Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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