My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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