Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
