Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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