I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
