No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
