Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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