i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
