In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
