i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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