I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
