Your mouth is God's brothel.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
