I puked a lego.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Randomize
