started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
