The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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