so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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