He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My underwear smells like fireworks.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
