I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
