I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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