Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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