Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
