"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
