just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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