Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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