So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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