I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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