i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
