I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Watching her eat just hurts me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
