only if we run a train.
done.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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