You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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