Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
