I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
