well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
No subtext here. People are naked.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize