You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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