remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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