Got a toothbrush?
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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