My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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