Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
