I think I am morally bankrupt
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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