I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
