were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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