apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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