those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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