Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
