Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
