My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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