the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
