Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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