Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
