i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
