i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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