Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
