I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
