you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
