Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
