I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Randomize
