dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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