i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
