boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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