if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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