when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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