And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
