Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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