I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
