whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize