i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Still dying that you shit outside
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
