i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
