Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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