The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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