happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
