I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
