i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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