It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
