he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Randomize