My Higher Power is John Stamos
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize