I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
