Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
