Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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