we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
