Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
